why i prioritize genuineness over happiness

i think more important than striving to be happy, is striving to be genuine. 

i think genuineness brings about happiness. 

there is a freedom that holds hands with authenticity,

and once we can live and love, 

genuinely and spiritedly,

i think happiness shows up,

no longer sought after,

just present. 

walk your journey with love and truth.

happiness finds its home in an authentic heart. 

welcome yourself home

at some point the question arises:
do you like who you are with when you are all alone?

when you realize that you are more than enough ...
when you understand that who you are is exactly as you should be ...
when you accept and *trust* who you really are ...
you no longer need the acceptance of others.
you no longer need the approval of anyone else.
you no longer need to prove yourself
or your faith
or your love.

we are all broken.
we are all learning.

come home to your truth.
and with open arms,
welcome yourself home.

heart over mind over matter

♥
you have 24 hours in each day. 

you will only be awake for a fraction of those hours. 

how do you want to spend that time?

do you want to see your dreams come to life?
or do you want to see your fears come to life ...

do you want to bring your dreams to life?
or bring your fears ...

do you want to breathe life into your dreams?
or life into your fears...

your heart knows your truth

and all the answers are inside you.

you can keep thinking about what you want to do and where you want to be,
or you can think less 
and go where your heart leads you ...

♥

♥

sticks and stones

while i do believe that another person's opinion of you does not define you, and just because someone says something to you or about you, that doesn't make it true ...  i also believe that even though sticks and stones may break bones, words can in fact hurt sometimes...

i believe it is only right that we should be mindful of our words, our tone, and the energy that we bring into any space. 

it is our responsibility to recognize who we are, and think about who it is that we want to be.  to acknowledge that the way we affect others not only affects the relationship they have with us, it can also affect them as a person. 

this is true for any dynamic, whether it is a partner, a child, a parent, relative, friend, or stranger. 

our awareness can make the difference. 

a broken spirit takes much longer to heal than a broken bone. 

becoming real ...

i was thinking this past week, about spirit.

and how faith in a person, loving a person, can bring about their real self.

i was also thinking about the difference between knowing you are loved, and feeling you are loved.

it is possible to know, without a doubt, that someone loves you.  yet it is a completely different thing to feel that someone loves you.  and knowing someone loves you does not guarantee that you will feel loved by that person.

but the feeling of being loved completely ... allows us to be who we are, completely.  our real selves.  we know we are safe, our heart is safe, our real self is safe ...

this nurtures our spirit and keeps it alive ... 

like during the holidays, you see something similar in many of the christmas movies ... when the children (and in some movies the adults too) believe in santa claus, their belief in him makes his sleigh fly;  believing in santa makes him exist ... makes him real.

when we as parents believe in our children to make good choices, to "be good" and to do what's right, they generally rise to meet that standard.  our belief in them, in that way, makes those ways real.

when teachers believe in their students, and treat them as if they are already successful, they succeed in larger numbers and with greater accomplishment.

it is not just the christmas spirit ... it is the human spirit.

when someone believes in us and loves us, completely ... wholly, and without fail

not because of what we can do for them ...  not because of us "doing" anything at all ... but just because we are who we are ...

when someone believes in us,

like the little boy believed in the velveteen rabbit,

we become real.

we become who we really are.

who we've been all along,

since we were very young,

and uninhibited.

who we are capable of becoming

without fear 

or doubt.

i am fortunate to know with certainty that i have been loved in this way.

it gives me great peace to know

that i in turn

love

in this way...

there is a true calmness that settles over our heart when we realize and recognize this.

a lightness, a settledness (if that's a word) inside our chest, that provides a clearer and brighter path for us to walk.

(i used to describe this as a rushing inside my chest that one day i realized had stopped ...)

when we are not hindered by anything outside of ourselves, when we are moved and encouraged by love and faith (faith of any kind, in any thing or in anyone) ... we are free to live from our heart, we step more surely and believe in those steps ... as we become real.

and as the skin horse assured the velveteen rabbit ...

once we become real,

we can't become unreal again ...  ♥

be the change ...

honoring our connections

♥

sometimes there are people who come into our life and we don't know how it was that we ever did not know them.

sometimes there are people who we connect with, even before we really speak.

sometimes there are people who we cannot disconnect from, even after we part.

there are those who touch our heart,

challenge our mind,

feed our soul.

i believe it is important to honor our connections.  no matter how big or small they might seem today.  no matter how much bigger or smaller they might become on any other day.

i believe it is important to see inside them and really treasure who lives in there. 

the gift of their presence might seem effortless,

but it is their greatest truth,

their spirit,

their journey,

and deserves to be handled with care.

so be thankful.

be thankful.

and be

thankful.

i am not my body: i am me

it's always interesting to me, to experience the many different ways that others experience me.

does that make sense?

the way people respond to others is always very telling.  it tells so much about the person doing the responding, and i am fascinated by this from a sociological perspective.

this week i have had the privilege of learning a lot about this exact thing.

by last night i felt very much like i had been beaten down.  partly by people i know, and partly by people i didn't even know existed in this world.  judgment is a very interesting thing.

and you know what?  i felt this even though i stand by the following idea:

i am not my body.  i believe the words of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin:  "we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience."

anyone who knows me knows that i believe this to the fullest; and that i am often heard saying the words:  "i am not my outsides."

so this week a picture of me, in all my natural born nakedness, was posted on Facebook.  it was certainly not a sexual or pornographic photograph in any way.  it was just a straight forward body shot ... i am proud of it, and saddened by the truth of how some people responded to it.  not saddened for myself, but saddened for what it says about human nature and instinctive response.

here is how some of the thread went:

one comment: omg there is a picture of you naked on fb. thought i should tell you so you can delete it before anyone sees it!
me: why would i want to do that?

another comment: oh no. you must be so embarrassed.
me: why would i be embarrassed? embarrassed of what?

here are my thoughts:
1) i am not my body. i am my insides, i am not my outsides.
2) having said that, i am proud of my body. it has been pregnant multiple times, survived multiple miscarriages, and produced 2 healthy human beings. it kept those 2 human beings alive solely on the milk it created. it has scars, stretch marks, and the effects of aging. and i am proud to have it. it is not perfect and i don't care. i am grateful that in my 40s anyone at all wants to take a picture of it. 
3) nudity does not equal sex. if you think it does, that says a lot about you, not me. in fact, sex does not even require nudity (gasp!) i have seen profile pictures of women and girls who are not old enough to vote, that are more provocative and suggestive than this. my parents and my children were present at this shoot and my dad took pictures of me as well. in all of the modeling i have done i have never shot anything sexual in nature. any photographer i have worked with can attest to that and the fact that i work with integrity and respect.
4) if you are judging me, i am glad this is a picture of my outsides and not your insides.

i haven't always loved my body; i was teased when i was younger, and i have been on the receiving end of many insults regardless of my age, about being too thin, not having meat on my bones, assumptions that i never eat, or whatever anyone thinks is okay to say.  i was told once that nursing was ruining my body.  i have had times, as everyone has, of wishing my body were different.  it has taken me a long time to finally feel good about it and embrace it and be nothing but thankful for the miraculous healthy machine that it is.  whatever it looks like.  it is the only body i have to carry me around in this place, and i am not embarrassed of it.  i am grateful for it and respectful of it.

i was also told this week by more than one person that i should be ashamed.  that i should consider how my children will be affected by such a thing.  that i am inappropriate.  odd.  gross.     (gross? really?  don't we all have bodies?  human bodies?  made basically the same?)  again ... some of these were people i know and some were not; they were merely judging me and stating their opinion.  i know that this says everything about them, and not a thing about me.  if someone says i am inappropriate, that can be what they think, but that doesn't make it true any more than if they said i am a penguin.  their perspective is true for them.  not for me.  i know that the way we see things is according to the way we think and the things we believe and the experiences we have had.  and i also know that just because we think something, that doesn't make it true.  our opinions and beliefs are not necessarily "right" for everyone else.  we are no better for believing what we believe, and no one else is better than we are, for believing what they believe.  it is not our place to insist our beliefs on others, nor is it their place to push theirs on us.

"it's one thing to feel you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path." -Paulo Coelho

just because i am not embarrassed or modest about my outsides, i am not conservative nor shy, that doesn't have to translate into me being ugly on the inside or any of the other things that people threw at me this week.  i know this because i know who i am.  and i know that people will see what they choose to see.

the facebook thread continued and i responded:

i believe there is something for me to learn from every person, even when they are in disagreement with me or judgmental. i respect their right to their own opinion and i am grateful that they feel they can express it to me. but even though i am a peacekeeper, i have learned that i do not need to withhold my own thoughts in order to keep peace. i know that when others have opinions that they believe are "right" ... that doesn't mean i am wrong if i think differently. and likewise, they are not "wrong" if they don't believe as i do. i have learned to live with the judgments of others for whatever it is that they believe. i choose to stand as me, be the soul of where i stand, and believe in myself, you, others, love, and peace. i don't judge those who judge me. i go to sleep at night knowing who i am.

so to anyone judging me in those ways, i only say i am sorry that you struggle with that which is different than yourself.  a lack of openness towards the differences in all of us only leads to a lack of growth and a smaller experience of this wonderful life.  you can wish that i were different ... because perhaps that would make you more comfortable in your own skin, but i am not going to change who i am due to your issues or your particular sensitivities.  i am not going to become what you want me to become.  it is not my responsibility to mold myself into what makes you feel good.  i am not here to satisfy you.  you do not have to like me or like to look at me, but you have every right to your opinion and every right to look or go the other way and get back to your own life.

if you are offended by my body, that's okay with me. you don't have to look at it. isn't that awesome??

wisdom and truth: the universe according to my 9 year old

my 9 year old:  mommy?  if outer space is infinite, and there's no gravity in space, then how does anyone know if the earth is right side up or upside down?  i mean, who decided that we are right side up?  like on maps and stuff.  whose idea was it to put us that way?

me:  well ... do you think we are right side up ... or upside down ... or sideways?

him:  i don't know.  i mean how can anyone know?  if one person is in space looking at the planet from one way and it's right side up, and another is in space looking at it from another way and it is upside down, the planet itself is still the same.  it doesn't move for each person's view.  so is it right side up or upside down?  who is right?
                                                           
me:  is there a right?

him:  hmmm.  good question.  i don't think so.  i think it just all depends on how you look at it.  and i think both ways are right.  because to each person it is exactly right to them.  it makes sense however you look at it, from where you are.

me:  what if there are more than 2 people looking at it?

him:  then i think all ways are right.  it's just all about perspective.  you know?

me:  :)  i know ...

my hand on your heart

my hand on your heart.

your hand on mine.

my shield all around you

which only love,

kindness,

and help can get through.

breathe peace in our space.

walk freely.

as i walk with you.

we use the power of our words

only in the direction of truth and love.
we believe in others.
we believe in us.

like water,

soft to touch yet strong enough to move the earth,

i move through you

and fill you

like water finds and fills every crevice surrounding every rock

in the river.

our faith in each other

protects us and guides us.

we step surely.

we love purely.

my hand on your heart.

your hand

on mine.