without consequence

♥️

people are walking around with smiles they’ve put on while wound full and scarred, taking care of life while nervous and unsure. 

fragile. 

scared. 

hurt. 

sometimes selfish. 

and often armed with a multitude of strategies to protect themselves from pain or the perception of it. 

people of all cultures, all faiths, all ages, all races. even those who have it or keep it together and are doing well ...it’s part of our humanness and part of our journey regardless of our outlook and skill set, regardless of our belief systems and spiritual life, regardless of our mental health and our energy. we all have stories that have built us and at times broken us, and we all have the desire to connect, to belong, and to be cared about. 

i know people look at each other and miss who they’re looking at because they aren’t seeing who they’re looking at, they are seeing the outside and all the externals of who they’re looking at. 

i also know that Love looks at people and sees their insides.  Love sees past the curtains, barricades, and facades. Love sees inside and recognizes all the ways a heart beats and says “you are worthy.”

i know Love is healing, certain, constant, and strong. 

i know Love is assurance. 

pure. 

selfless. 

graceful. 

faithful. 

strength through seasons that threaten our joy. 

unshakable through storms that hurl us into unwelcomed chaos. 

i know Love protects us without consequence through shame, fear, or attack. 

and celebrates not as much all that we do, but all that we are. 

Love seeks to love, not to be loved, 

to console, not to be consoled, 

to understand, not to be understood. 

Love is not a seeker of attention or gain. 

Love loves 

without an agenda. 

Love knows

no bounds. 

never and always

♥️

Loving you means I never look down on you no matter how far or in which direction you fall. 

It means I give and learn, all that I can, to lift you. 

It means even though I look up to you I know I am never less than, and because when I have fallen you are holding my hand to bring me back up. 

It means I am never judging you, shaming you, deserting you or betraying you. 

It means I have your back. 

It means our friendship carries our relationship when life gets in the way. 

It means I support you. 

It means I respect you. 

It means I enjoy you. 

It means I believe in you, I stand by you, I protect you, I value you. 

It means I am always moving towards you, never away from you. 

It means I am grateful for your life and for your willingness to share it with me. 

It means our sacred connection is more important than any difference, challenge, or conflict. 

It means I know we are all human, we all have victories and we all make mistakes, and there is no heart I’d rather be beside through all of them

than yours.

Never above you. 

Never below you. 

Always beside you. 

anywhere

i've seen you together
i see you in pieces 
i know your whole self 
i know when you're broken
i know when you're you
i know when you're not you
i know you at peace
i know when you're troubled
struggling
and fighting against yourself
i know when you're scared
when you're courageous
when you're trying to love the best that you can
against the odds
against the uncertainty
against your self imposed or conditioned belief of unworthiness
(inaccurate i know)
(but real for you i also know)
so rest your wet salty face in my hands
and let your fears escape
hot on my fingers and deep in my skin
and let me look into you
because the thing is,
in pieces you are still whole to me
i love you anyway
either way
all the ways
every way
and i'm not going anywhere
other than anywhere
you go
with me ...

#moments

♥

when time stands still

and your eyes blink in slow motion

and your breath floats by my face

and our world is totally quiet

and you can hear my heart

and that it beats for you

on this date

most of us have days in our life that we never forget;
dates on our timeline when our life changed undeniably ...
when something happened that made a difference in our life either positively or negatively.
most of us also have or have had at least one person we can name whose life changed our life in some way ... undeniably.  
sometimes both of these are connected;
maybe the date someone came into this world,
or maybe the date someone left. 
maybe the date of a union
or the date of a divide. 
i am blessed to be able to say that this date, december 9, is one of those dates on my timeline,
a date that i will never forget,
all because one person literally walked into my world
and although i didn't know it yet as it was happening,
my life would be completely changed for the better.  
i hope you will join me in celebrating
by honoring with gratitude
someone who made,
or still makes,
an undeniable difference
in your life.

love really can heal

when your light is dim
and your pieces are scattered all over the floor
when it hurts to move
and your bones cry out
and your tired fingers search for who you were
but you cannot see
and you can't put yourself back together
when your eyes ache
when your heart lies like dead weight in your chest
putting pressure on your ribs
and testing the strength of their cage

when you have lost your life

i will hold you until you come up for air
and then hold you longer
and longer still

i will kiss your lips
your forehead
your face
and i will nourish your soul

i will fill you
with faith

i will reseed your spirit
with hope

i will love you
back
to health
one breath
at a time.

love has a way

whether you believe in one transcendent God,
infinite manifestations of God,
a personal God,
or no God,
i celebrate your belief. 
and it is my belief that it is all the same,
with different names,
and that we are all connected through the source of love and spirit.
whether you are religious or not,
or spiritual or not,
i believe that kindness is the root of all faiths and of all people.
love is our common denominator.
love is the aim.
love is the goal. 

life has a way of teaching us things.
LOVE has a way of teaching us who we are.

life has a way of showing us what we're made of.
LOVE has a way of showing us what God made us to be.

life has a way of revealing the truth.
LOVE has a way of revealing our soul.

life has a way of taking us places.
LOVE has a way
of bringing us home.

#everyday

everyone who is born is here for a reason. and when someone's life begins we don't know what that reason is or who and how far that life will reach. but i do know that there is no motivational speech, no sermon, no image, accomplishment, or award to be won, that can affect one human soul like the true connecting with another. 

when someone changes your life just by being,
just by letting their soul out in your care and in your presence,
and not by the words they speak,
a job or skill they perform,
or the lessons they teach,
but by sharing life with you,
allowing you to see and love their spirit naked and raw before you,
there is nothing truer.
nothing so pure.
nothing more intimate,
peaceful
or loving. 

when it isn't about what they can do for you
because it's about who they are. 
when it isn't about what you want from them
but what you want for them. 
when there's no agenda,
when you know you are safe,
you know
you are home. 

it is where faith lives.

join me today in honoring someone you love, and celebrating the very gift of their birth,
their journey,
their life.

because once a year is not enough to celebrate someone's birth.
once a year is not enough to tell people what they are worth.

#gratefulforyourlife #everysingleday

they took my heart

twelve years ago i met this kid. i didn't yet know his name or how funny he would be, how artistic, smart, sensitive, or how loving. i only knew i already loved him with a love i didn't yet know ...

at 8:15 am ian came out of my body and began his fantastic journey. 

i knew ahead of time that on this date the doctors would take this baby out of me. what i did not know is that they would also take my heart. 

i wasn't sure how my love would be divided equally between children and i just didn't know if i could or how i could love as much, again, as i already loved his brother. 

what i discovered was that the love was not divided. it was simply, and easily, multiplied. 

the heart i thought was intact left my body with his brother and then somehow left my body again with him. 

it's an amazing and indescribable thing when you see and know your heart and your love walking around outside of yourself. even more amazing is when you not only still feel whole, you feel even more complete. so much more so, that when your heart was yours alone, you were empty by comparison. 

it is a beautiful and perfect day to celebrate one of my great loves of my lifetime. 

this song is currently "his jam" lol

the prayer ...

lying on top of you
my chest pressing against yours
i float in your breath and listen to you sleep 

one of your hands lost in 

and tangled up in 

my overflowing hair 

your other hand tangled up with mine

our fingers laced up quietly together

and resting on my tattooed hip 

i lay my head down and feel the rhythm of your heart beating against my throat

and i hear your breathing 

warm and noisy over my ear

i remain still and silent 

inhaling the smell of you

exhaling love for you 

and i cannot sleep

not because of the noise

and not because of our body heat

but because i don't want to miss the moment ...

the prayer ...

the gratitude ...

YOU.

Love never leaves us

Love and relationship are not the same thing. 

relationships often fail. 

Love does not. 

relationships die sometimes quick
sometimes slow
deaths. 

Love does not die. 

people confuse all kinds of things with Love. 

Love is not struggling to make something work when it truly doesn't. 

relationships require conditions and compromise, Love does neither.  

Love is not fear and Love is not pride. 

Love is something entirely different. 

a relationship that lasts is not necessarily a relationship that lives. 

Love lasts. 

Love lives. 

Love runs deeper than any relationship ever could or ever will. 

because Love is not a human thing. 

Love is a spirit thing. 

a life thing. 

an everlasting thing.  

what do you stand for?

i prefer to spend my time with

and be connected to

people who prioritize love

and authentic living

where enlightenment lives ...

enlightenment isn't just for people who are meditating with mala beads or practicing yoga and eating only organic.

preaching isn't just for people in churches with parishioners or evangelists online with live stream services. 

we can all teach words of wisdom and acts of love. we can all raise the collective vibration. it doesn't matter where we stand, sit, sing, or eat. 

many times the best word we can offer is by living our life and allowing others to actually see us.  

none of those in clergy collars are perfect, no matter how large their congregations are. 

none of those in robes are perfect, no matter how many hours they spend clearing their minds. 

none of those writing self help books are perfect no matter how many times they are quoted. 

and none of us are perfect no matter how hard we try to be nor how hard we work to make it look to others as if we are. 

and i think that's where enlightenment is. 

love is the movement 

and it's not about perfection. 

it's about embracing the imperfect, nodding with empathy, allowing the circle of comfort and sacred peace that enters the space when we admit that we understand the struggles because we, too, struggle. 

it's about holding one another graciously through the battles and honoring the divine in each of us. 

the more we can accept ourselves with both guts and glory, 

the more compassion we will have towards others, 

and the more compassion we have towards others, 

the more this world can become its own healing place.

my second skin

my second skin,
you cover me
as i lie sometimes impatiently
against your surface
yet inside you
pressing
yet resting

my second skin,
you heal me
as i heal you sometimes unknowingly
wounded we are both
yet stronger
bleeding through the darkness
yet rising

my second skin,
you connect to me
as i search for source
within and without
yet never leaving me alone
sowing love
yet reaping

my second skin,
my first prayer,
my lasting truth

why i prioritize genuineness over happiness

i think more important than striving to be happy, is striving to be genuine. 

i think genuineness brings about happiness. 

there is a freedom that holds hands with authenticity,

and once we can live and love, 

genuinely and spiritedly,

i think happiness shows up,

no longer sought after,

just present. 

walk your journey with love and truth.

happiness finds its home in an authentic heart. 

holy love: our sacred bonds

ho·ly

  [hoh-lee] 

adjective, ho·li·er, ho·li·est.

holy:  having a spiritually pure quality: a holy love.

i've been thinking a lot about faith and the automatic confidence we have in our parents when we are young. how we unquestionably take their hand and trust what they tell us.  i suppose this can be good or bad, depending on the situation. but i was thinking particularly about when i was a child, in first grade, and we lived in a small trailer somewhere in georgia. my dad was stationed at an army post nearby and we lived off a dirt road. my mom drove us every day across the state line to take us to a private catholic school in south carolina.  that was the last private catholic school i went to, because our life soon took a different path.  we didn't have much but i didn't know that. what i did have, was security.

not because of religion.

but because of faith.

i remember the day my mom told us that my dad "got orders" and we were moving to europe. i remember crying, and her asking me with a surprised tone, "why are you crying?"

i said, "i'm scared to go on an airplane."

my mom promised me that it would be okay. she said it would feel much like riding on a bus, only smoother. and that at times i might even forget we were moving through the air.

i took her hand and believed without a doubt. both emotionally and physically.  i believed that the plane ride would be okay, and that we would be okay and intact when we arrived overseas, that i wouldn't find myself all alone in a foreign land, not knowing the language, sitting on cobblestone, surrounded by endless streams of busy strangers unaware of my aloneness, myself unable to ask for help and no one knowing i was even lost. 

i put all my 7 years of faith in this one person. 

looking back, i don't know if she was afraid at the time.  it never occurred to me that she might be nervous or anxious about any of it.  i didn't know enough to question or wonder about that. 

i trusted her with my life, my fears, and my rapidly loudly beating little heart.

i think it is sacred, and an honor, when we have moments of faith like that as adults, with people other than our parents. when we can physically and/or emotionally take someone's hand and with all of our being, and our rapidly loudly beating wounded heart, take a true leap of faith, and step where we have never stepped before.

i believe that when we do experience it, our spirit is trusting another spirit,

and it is less like a human bond

and more of a holy bond.

♥

a few years before my first memorable step of faith

pieces of me ... letters to my children

someone recently said to me that she believed in my conviction, in my own belief in the words i spoke to her, because she knows that i always speak directly from my heart.
this person remembered things i had talked about and written about almost a decade ago, which isn't a long time in the big picture of things, i realize this, but it surprised me and i felt honored not only to be her friend, but also to discover that part of me lived inside another person in this way.

also recently i was thinking about how when somebody leaves our side, regardless of reason or circumstance, it is helpful to be able to have something of theirs that is tangible ... whether we hold an item that belongs to them, or have a tattoo as a way of keeping and carrying their permanent presence, or sometimes words that they have written that speak from their heart and live in ours (sometimes both!)

i know that many of us have been in situations where we find ourselves going back and reading things that someone we love once wrote to us.  it is not always possible to define the peace or love that this can bring to us, often during moments when we need it most, in order just to find our very next breath.

i also then started thinking about my children, and when they will be grown and away from me.  and i wanted them to have pieces of me any time they want.  pieces of my heart.  pieces of my spirit.  words that they know come from the very center of who i am.  i decided to start writing something every day, (this is my plan) and consolidate everything in one place.  whatever is on my mind.  random thoughts.  random feelings.  i have set no rules ... i am not a rules person and i don't like being told what to do ... apparently not even by myself!  just something i can give to my boys one day.  maybe they won't want this or need this, and that's okay too.  still i want to offer it because, well, we just never know what life is going to throw our way,
and i know what it's like to feel alone
and need a piece of a person,
when i can't have the whole person,
in person ...

when i say i love you ...

♥

when i say i love you 
it means you have someone who
will encourage you
when you feel you have failed,
is proud of you
when you feel shamed,
supports you
when you feel weak,
believes in you
when you are swimming recklessly in doubt,
wants you
when you feel undesirable,
is grateful for you
when you feel unworthy,
wants what's best for you
even when it hurts,
will remind you of your greatness
when you have forgotten your significance,
will heal you
when no one else can even tell that you are wounded,
and understands you
when nothing in your entire world makes any sense at all. 
♥
when i say i love you
it means you have
love without conditions, 
love without limits,
love without fail.
 ♥
when i say i love you
it is not because of what you have done, what you are doing, or what you will do. 
it is because of who you have been,
who you are,
and every single bit of who you are still yet to be.

sometimes you carry them, sometimes they carry you

♥

when you love others

sometimes you carry them

sometimes they carry you

not like a weight

not like a burden

more like the way skydivers soar together

or children ride piggyback

or spirit guides and guardian angels provide covering ... 

what makes this work

is trust.

knowing you are safe.

knowing you are safe in the heart and hands of another.

sometimes we feel called to be with those we love

when they are grieving

struggling

searching for their breath.

it isn't that we expect them to keep us company

it isn't that we expect them to have anything to give

it isn't that we expect to do anything at all for them.

sometimes it is just to be there.

not to talk.

not to do.

it is about just sharing the same space.

sharing breath when they can't find their own.

just being together.

it's about presence.

it's about love.

nothing more.

nothing less.

love,

and presence.

♥

go where the love is

i believe in living our lives with people
who make it not only possible
but easy
to become the whole of who we are,
in humanity, in spirit, and in love. 

i believe if there are people
who are preventing us from being free and genuine,
in the face of the world,
in living the life we were given,
then we should distance ourselves from those people. 

i know that there is growth for us
in even the negative relationships and encounters that we have.  

and i also know 
that the ones who lift us higher
and free our souls
are the ones
we belong with.