dare ...

♥ make today ridiculously amazing ♥

if this comes at the right time for you, pay attention to how that feels.

and dare to be You!

how i faced my fear and found unexpected beauty

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"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."  -Wayne Dyer

 It was easier to feign fearlessness than I had thought it would be; all I could focus on was assuring my children that it was all fine and there was nothing to be afraid of.  It worked for them, but on the inside I was still trembling and having what felt like hot flashes on a summer day in the desert wearing wool and drinking hot coffee ...

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how i faced my fear and found unexpected beauty

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to be continued ...

so today while i was driving, i was thinking, and having conversations in my head, you know, much like the way our thought process goes when we're in the shower.  that's not just me, right?

so i was driving after having spent some time with a friend.  not just any friend, but a friend of my heart.  a connection i cannot imagine not having. 

i was wondering why this is.  and i was thinking about whether or not it really is what it seems to be.  like, how is this such an important thing, how is it that this person's presence actually affects me in this unique way?  there was, after all, a time when this connection did not yet exist.

how is it that being around this person feels like a celebration … of who we are ... of who each of us is.  a treasured collection of moments of being who we are, and excelling at it.  and it feels like we are never finished being together, we are always "to be continued …"

i was wondering, is it me?  am i assigning more value to this because of my  extremely tender heart?  am i making this mean more than it is, in my mind?  you know how we all know we have had moments where we question ourselves because we can all overthink things sometimes.  especially when we're driving.  alone.  that's not just me, right?

and so i tried to compare this friendship to others … and i couldn't.  

i tried to explain it to myself … and i couldn't.  

i tried to define it … and i couldn't.

but what i did succeed in doing, was realizing this ultimate truth:  the quality of my life is better with this person in it.

it's really that simple.  it's really that true.  and that was all i needed to know in the end.  

i smiled the rest of the way home ...

love is always in season

who was it that said, "the only thing that is constant is change?"  i thought it was heraclitus, but i googled it and too many names came up ...

what a relief it is to know that this is true!  (not the google part.  the other part.)  can you imagine if nothing ever ever changed?  not ever?

changes come with every season.  and beauty comes with every change.

today i picked up a few of autumn's fallen leaves and as i held them i felt the differences in how they felt against my skin, how they moved slightly with the breeze, how they sounded when they brushed up against each other in my hands.  i closed my eyes and breathed in how they smelled …all different than their life during the recent summer months.  i thought about how these changes come with every season:  for the leaves.  for the trees.  for the grass.  the animals.  on and on and on.   the growth.  the strength.  the new beauty.  the adjustments. …the changes.

i thought of how i can choose to look the other way, refuse to accept and embrace the changes, i could even put myself in  a place that perhaps remains the same and does not offer the transformations and possibilities that come along with a change of season.  it might be easier that way, where everything stays somewhat familiar.  it is much harder to go where there can be difficulty and/or pain along the way ... uncertainty or discomfort ... not knowing exactly how things will look, or what will become of what once was.

or i can choose to find the beauty.  see the possibilities. feel the love. and embrace the change.  it's not my place to stop,  limit, or change the  change that is happening.   just like with my children.  it would be impossible, and ridiculous, to reject their growth, their development, the course they are on.  there is no "favorite age" ... there has been, and continues to be, awe and amazement during every single year.  it is my honor to witness and be a part of their journey.  i would never want to muck it up by trying to control it or change who they are in any way.  every new day i marvel at the gift of now.

this doesn't mean there is never sadness.  

but no matter what is going on in this season of my life, there is always something to be grateful for.

in this moment now, there is far more than i can measure.
there is change.
there is beauty.

there is love.

and love,

is always
in season.

inner beauty. inner gooey. how i believe people are like cinnamon rolls ...

have you ever seen a fantastic looking cinnamon roll, heard it calling your name from the pastry case, watched it wink at you to lure you over, enticing you with every one of your senses, only to find out that after salivating in anticipation, you eat the cinnamon roll and half way through you discover it wasn't at all what it appeared to be?  you're disappointed ... you pick through it to find the goodness you were hoping for ... soon it is demolished on your plate because you never found it to be any better but checked every part just in case so you wouldn't miss the good spot if in fact there was one ...

a cinnamon roll can look absolutely delicious, but by the time you eat through the layers, you can reach the center only to find that it isn't the ultimate in sweet gooey perfection that you had been expecting, instead it might be dry or bland or uninteresting in any number of ways.  and there you find yourself ... you've experienced it ... but you aren't exactly happy with the experience.  you had saved the best for last ...  eating from the outside, going around the circular path, trusting that the best was yet to come.

this is what i think:  this is exactly the way people are.  and this is why i believe we should view people in the same way:  

and we should start from the center.

this is the only way you will know what the person/cinnamon roll is really made of.  this is where you find out if there is a goodness match, or not.  

you could start on the outside, because of how something/someone looks,  and waste all kinds of time, only to find out that the inside there doesn't match in beauty.  then what's the point?  why spend your energy and time basing thoughts and opinions and feelings on the outside, when really it's the inside that matters.  it's the inside that tells the story.

why spend your time and energy on someone solely because they look a certain way?  their insides might not be as pretty to you, which isn't to say that it might not be perfect for someone else ... you could have passed on by and left it, intact, for another person to enjoy ...

                                                  

                                                                                                               

if you enjoy a cinnamon roll straight from the center, just bypass the presentation and cut into it and dive right in, you will know right away if you are going to spend the next few minutes of your time savoring the rest of it.  i bet you.  

if you enjoy a person straight from their center, just bypass their outer shell and get into their energy and dive right in, you will know if you are going to spend the next (any number of moments) with them as a person.  

much like saying you can't judge a book by its cover, except that it's more of a challenge to dive right into the center of a book and know what's going on.  you can, however, dive into the center of a cinnamon roll and know if it tastes good.  you can, however, dive into the center of a human being and know if the energy feels right.

the cinnamon roll, or the person, who maybe doesn't look as you have come to expect, might surprise you and be absolutely amazing.  and you could miss out on that by making your selection based on the outside appearance.  and likewise, the most appetizing cinnamon roll, or person, might have insides that do not match the outer beauty, that do not live up to your expectations, that leave you misled by presentation.

you can never tell, by the outsides.  

start in the middle.

dive into the center.

it's the inside that tells the story...