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paying it forward: love in a lunchbox

so the other day i was sitting in a starbucks parking lot, facing the road, looking in the mirror and putting on lipgloss before driving away.

i noticed a woman standing in the median in front of me.  she wore a heavy coat several sizes too large for her body.  a hat.  thick pants, and brown work boots.  she kept a backpack at her feet and she carried a small cardboard sign that was ragged and creased, and looked like it had seen many days out in the cold weather we were having. 

i found myself watching her for some time, and i ended up not driving away.  i watched to see her heart in her eyes ... and any expressions on her face, and those of the passersby … a constant flow of drivers pulling up to the traffic light, pausing and texting, and often not even acknowledging that she was there at all.

i then noticed through the corner of my eye, a man approaching from the right.  he too wore a heavy coat and hat, and walked with a slight lean forward to brace the cold wind, with his head facing downwards as if he were looking at each step he took.

"Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances."  -Wayne Dyer

he approached this woman, unzipped his coat, and pulled out a lunchbox.  it looked full.  he handed it to her, and as she took it, he touched her hand with both of his.  they exchanged words which of course i could not hear.  they did not hug, but she extended an arm across his back and he did the same in return.  kind of a half-sideways-not-really-hug but more than a handshake.

i tried to quickly capture this moment in a photograph but from beginning to end it was faster than the time it took me to get my camera and turn it on without taking my eyes off of them just so i wouldn't miss a single second.  

the man nodded to her with a smile and returned back towards from where he had come.  i watched him.  i watched her.  i wondered if he worked in the building directly across from where i was sitting, and had seen her through the window.  i wondered if the food was his own or someone else's or a collection of items from different people from wherever he came.  or an old lunchbox found in the bottom of his car with who knows what inside … i have found a lunchbox or two in my car that my kids have abandoned and forgotten.  not a pleasant discovery i must say!

i watched her some more.  she knelt down and seemed to say a few words out loud.  then she held the cardboard sign in her mouth and she opened her backpack and put the lunchbox inside.  as she did this, she took an item out of it, then zipped the backpack closed.  she held the item in one hand and then held the cardboard sign in the other, stood back up, and faced the traffic once more.  i noticed her posture ...  she looked tired yet strong.  her face, expressionless.

i kept an eye on the man to see where he was going.  i wanted to thank him by going somewhere to get him a gift card or something but i was afraid i would lose track of him.  he did not go into the office building across the street.  he walked over to a car wash and i noticed a car parked there with the door open.  

it was his, and he began to vacuum his floor mats as if he had not just done this extraordinary act.  had i not been in that spot at that moment, or not paying attention, i would have missed that moment.  it was over.  from that point on, no one approaching that intersection would know it even happened.  

i drove over and spoke with him, asking his name, and letting him know that i saw his grace extended to the woman with the sign.  he was younger than i would have guessed, he looked and sounded to be in his very early 20s at most.  he seemed very shy and alarmed, almost embarrassed, as he quietly told me his name was anthony.

i asked him about the lunchbox and he said it was his, but that he was on his way to work and figured she could use it more than he could.  that he could more easily get another lunch.

"It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving."  -Mother Teresa

i had no gift to thank him with so i hugged him and thanked him for being a beautiful example of the human spirit, for being a giver, for helping a stranger, and for making my day.

this was such an amazing moment to me, and i found myself smiling in awe of these two strangers who did not know i was witnessing their interaction.  

i hope my children grow up to be boys who would do the same kind of thing.  i hope they will think of others and their situations and give to people regardless of what the receivers might do with what they receive.  many people reject the idea of helping those who stand with cardboard signs … many people have concrete beliefs about why they are there or what they could or should be doing instead of standing there.  but who are we to say?  it is not our place to judge.  we have no idea what their story is or how their journey has landed them in that place at that time.  very typically, people at the age of 20ish do not identify with this circumstance.  at that age of our life we do not typically consider how or why that person got there.  or that any of us could end up there at any time for any reason.  or that not everyone has the same circumstances or opportunities or blessings.  i was touched to be an unknown observer of this exchange, and even more grateful to see that it was our youth reaching out with such generosity and goodness.   

he could have been my son.  your grandson.  your brother.  your boyfriend.  your daughter's future husband.

and the woman could have been any one of us.  or our mother.  aunt.  sister.  neighbor.  

a person in need isn't just a needy person.  that person is a human being just like you and i are.  a spirit, a soul, an energy.  

sometimes a lunch isn't just a lunch.  

sometimes 

it is a grace of God. of this beautiful universe.  of you.  of me.  of our collective energies.

of Love.

♥

love refined = grace defined

"find love, refined,

and there too thou shalt find

grace, defined."

-no one said this that i know of, i just made it up and thought if i used the word "thou" it would look like an official quote ...

grace is defined in many different ways.

i have read the definitions and i agree with all of them.

i have also witnessed and felt grace, and i have decided that where grace lives, love lives:  where love is, grace is ...  and where grace is, love is.

when one person gives another grace:  pardon, mercy, courtesy, kindness ... it is an act of love.  lovingness is at the core where that grace is born.

this can be in any context and can occur in any dynamic.  a stranger can give another person grace.  it comes from a loving heart. without love in his or her heart, i don't know that grace would even come forth to be offered.

and when one person loves another, love refined: free from impurities ... one loves with grace.  grace is defined in that safe harbor.  there is no record keeping of wrongs or acts of blame or begrudging.  the loved one knows that he or she is accepted and celebrated completely and without fail.  pardon is given.  with kindness.  with understanding.  no one is expected to be perfect.  those loved are loved for being who they are.  exactly as they are.  because that is pure.  and nothing else is needed.

if love is the umbrella under which two hearts are safe, grace is the pole, connecting the canopy to the hands which hold it.

open

it can be quite surprising and amazing

  how the world can lay things at your feet.

  love

 and i don't mean sexual or romantic,

 just lovingness,

 can be right in front of you

 yet you could walk by it

 turn away from it

  or step over it

 if you are not paying attention

 if you are not aware

 if it doesn't look like something familiar to you that you would recognize.

 but sometimes it isn't made up of what you would recognize.

  sometimes it isn't anything familiar at all.

  and sometimes you have no idea from where it has come.

  the thing is

 if you are not open,

 you could miss out on something really great

 no matter how close

 you are

to it.

being present

 and looking with our heart open

 can lead us into places that we never knew we belonged in.

  places that we never knew could feel like home.

  places that we never knew were in need

 of exactly

 who

 we are.