i am

when something is killing your spirit

and you don't know how your legs will move you

because you feel so weak and it's as if you are standing by

watching it happen

and your attempts to stop it feel like when you're in a dream

the kind where you try to yell but your voice won't come out

and you need someone to wake you up

show you the truth

the reality

that it isn't dying underneath your smile

and behind your skin and bones

that you are safer than you think

that you aren't losing your soul

i am

where you are

i am

holding you from the inside out

i am

breathing

for you

i just am.

not too long ago someone felt it necessary to remind me of how old i am and to tell me that i look, dress, and speak or make choices inappropriately for my age. i understood how this person, or any person, might feel that way. 

many people believe that their position in life or their religious affiliation, what they do or whom they worship, affords them the prerogative to judge, condemn, and to be right in doing so.

the older i get, the less interested i am, if at all, in what you do or have done. the less interested i am, if at all, in whom you worship. what i am interested in, completely, is who you are and how you live out or demonstrate whatever it is you call your faith. judgments don't bother me, they simply let me know who you are.

i admit that i have made mistakes in my life. and i know that everyone else has made some too. i admit that i have also made some stellar choices. and i know that everyone else has made some too.

i am grateful to be in my 40s.

i believe that things are not always right or wrong.
sometimes things just are.

and i am not seeking to be right, nor refusing to be wrong.
i just am.

♥