the four letter word i hope my kids get caught saying

ok, so i have often been teased for being over sensitive ... not just as a mother, but as a person, throughout my whole entire life.  it has become synonymous with my name, almost to the point where, you know how when people introduce each other, they often follow with a title, such as, "this is bob, he's an orthodontist" or "this is suzy, she's a photographer," etc. ... well when someone introduces me i almost expect them to say, "this is jacqueline, she's over sensitive ..." 

so four letter words in my house include not only the classic ones that rhyme with bit and duck and clam ... my children have also not been allowed to use the words "hate" "bored" "shut up" "idiot" (i know ... those are more than four letters) ... these are examples of the tone or energy that i allow and don't allow.  yes, i am that mom.  in fact, when they were younger and we were in the car, typically in traffic, they would call their father out with shock and dismay, expecting restitution, because he "used the H word" ... and he would just sit there baffled and in denial until we figured out that the H word he used was "hate."  trust me, he still sat there baffled ...

so yesterday my 9 year old and i were spending the afternoon together, playing tourists in a small historic town, when we found the gem of an upcycled art and love shop called "when pigs fly."

after indulging myself in all the goodness and life giving energy in this place, i decided that the one thing i couldn't leave without was a set of four letters.  a four letter word that i somehow needed to take with me.

L.  O.  V.  and E.

i have been immersed in the experience of arranging these letters in several different places today, trying to find the right spot, looking at them from different angles, in different surroundings, in different light ...  feeling what "fits" with me and what doesn't.  what resonates and makes me say "ahhhh ..."

in between this interesting ... wordplay (cheesy pun intended,)  i had a conversation with a loved one about how love and relationships mean different things to different people.  the conversation in many ways mirrored the experience i was having, it was much about looking at "LOVE" from different perspectives.  how awesome!

love does mean different things to different people.
all kinds of words or concepts mean different things to different people.
and rightly so, because other people are not us and we are not them.  they have not lived our life and we have not lived theirs.  they have different experiences, needs, wants, ideas, expectations, dreams, beliefs, and have grown up differently and walked a different path.

the word LOVE can incite so many different emotions and thoughts, some positive, some neutral, some even very negative. it can mean one thing to one person or it can mean many things to one person.  
all by itself.  
4 little letters.  
one word that can mean so many things. 

i am one who, when i think of love, it means a myriad of other things to me.  and each of those things ... in themselves they might mean something entirely different to you.

"We don't see things as they are ... We see things as we are."  -Anaïs Nin

so i wonder.  

what does it mean to you?
when i see this word, i also see:
respect
honor
trust
peace
happy
celebration
spirit
energy

i am really interested in learning, what do you see?

i feel like this is an important thing to consider and remember when we are interacting and living with other people throughout our life, particularly in significant primary relationships.

if one person believes that love means always-and-forever-no-matter-what ... that they can treat someone in any way, behave any way even if it is negative and harmful, and basically not honor their partner, (after all, what does honor mean to that person?) they might truly believe that it is okay.   because love means it will be okay and that partner will still love them and be with them no matter what.  however, if the partner believes that love means respect - both for others and for one's self, and those behaviors are not respecting him or herself, they will not feel loved, and there is a good possibility that they will not stay in that situation.   

this does not make either person right or wrong.  they just have different ideas of what love is.  i am not sure that this is something we are ever taught when we are growing up and trying to navigate our path and include loving relationships along the way.

what are your thoughts?

i am fascinated with the different ways that we, as a whole, can see the same thing. 

much like, i don't know, blueberry pie?  someone sees it as tart.  someone sees it as sweet.  someone sees it as comfort.  someone sees it as puke.  someone sees it as dessert.  someone sees it as punishment.    it is still just a blueberry pie.  we each have our own experience of it.

i would love to know how you feel about this.

the whole concept ... not the blueberry pie.

although you can tell me that too!  :D

in raising my children, i have made it a point to eradicate perspectives that foster thought processes involving words like "hate" "stupid" "shut up" "idiot" and other similar attitudes.  i care less about the "classic" four letter words that i know my kids have heard by now through outside sources, and they even know what half of those words mean ...  i know these words will not become part of their language in life. 

i hope with all my heart, that the four letter word that DOES become part of their life language, that they do get caught saying, often, whether out loud or silently, is LOVE.  

whatever that means to them.  

"For the two of us, home isn't a place.  It is a person.  And we are finally home." -Stephanie Perkins

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how i faced my fear and found unexpected beauty

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"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."  -Wayne Dyer

 It was easier to feign fearlessness than I had thought it would be; all I could focus on was assuring my children that it was all fine and there was nothing to be afraid of.  It worked for them, but on the inside I was still trembling and having what felt like hot flashes on a summer day in the desert wearing wool and drinking hot coffee ...

 please click here to visit my latest article:

how i faced my fear and found unexpected beauty

with photos from my latest trip

more photos!

love!

love!

pac-man!

Visit LightWorkers World: Resources to create positive change and Self empowerment

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between the drops

i am not my body: i am me

it's always interesting to me, to experience the many different ways that others experience me.

does that make sense?

the way people respond to others is always very telling.  it tells so much about the person doing the responding, and i am fascinated by this from a sociological perspective.

this week i have had the privilege of learning a lot about this exact thing.

by last night i felt very much like i had been beaten down.  partly by people i know, and partly by people i didn't even know existed in this world.  judgment is a very interesting thing.

and you know what?  i felt this even though i stand by the following idea:

i am not my body.  i believe the words of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin:  "we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience."

anyone who knows me knows that i believe this to the fullest; and that i am often heard saying the words:  "i am not my outsides."

so this week a picture of me, in all my natural born nakedness, was posted on Facebook.  it was certainly not a sexual or pornographic photograph in any way.  it was just a straight forward body shot ... i am proud of it, and saddened by the truth of how some people responded to it.  not saddened for myself, but saddened for what it says about human nature and instinctive response.

here is how some of the thread went:

one comment: omg there is a picture of you naked on fb. thought i should tell you so you can delete it before anyone sees it!
me: why would i want to do that?

another comment: oh no. you must be so embarrassed.
me: why would i be embarrassed? embarrassed of what?

here are my thoughts:
1) i am not my body. i am my insides, i am not my outsides.
2) having said that, i am proud of my body. it has been pregnant multiple times, survived multiple miscarriages, and produced 2 healthy human beings. it kept those 2 human beings alive solely on the milk it created. it has scars, stretch marks, and the effects of aging. and i am proud to have it. it is not perfect and i don't care. i am grateful that in my 40s anyone at all wants to take a picture of it. 
3) nudity does not equal sex. if you think it does, that says a lot about you, not me. in fact, sex does not even require nudity (gasp!) i have seen profile pictures of women and girls who are not old enough to vote, that are more provocative and suggestive than this. my parents and my children were present at this shoot and my dad took pictures of me as well. in all of the modeling i have done i have never shot anything sexual in nature. any photographer i have worked with can attest to that and the fact that i work with integrity and respect.
4) if you are judging me, i am glad this is a picture of my outsides and not your insides.

i haven't always loved my body; i was teased when i was younger, and i have been on the receiving end of many insults regardless of my age, about being too thin, not having meat on my bones, assumptions that i never eat, or whatever anyone thinks is okay to say.  i was told once that nursing was ruining my body.  i have had times, as everyone has, of wishing my body were different.  it has taken me a long time to finally feel good about it and embrace it and be nothing but thankful for the miraculous healthy machine that it is.  whatever it looks like.  it is the only body i have to carry me around in this place, and i am not embarrassed of it.  i am grateful for it and respectful of it.

i was also told this week by more than one person that i should be ashamed.  that i should consider how my children will be affected by such a thing.  that i am inappropriate.  odd.  gross.     (gross? really?  don't we all have bodies?  human bodies?  made basically the same?)  again ... some of these were people i know and some were not; they were merely judging me and stating their opinion.  i know that this says everything about them, and not a thing about me.  if someone says i am inappropriate, that can be what they think, but that doesn't make it true any more than if they said i am a penguin.  their perspective is true for them.  not for me.  i know that the way we see things is according to the way we think and the things we believe and the experiences we have had.  and i also know that just because we think something, that doesn't make it true.  our opinions and beliefs are not necessarily "right" for everyone else.  we are no better for believing what we believe, and no one else is better than we are, for believing what they believe.  it is not our place to insist our beliefs on others, nor is it their place to push theirs on us.

"it's one thing to feel you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path." -Paulo Coelho

just because i am not embarrassed or modest about my outsides, i am not conservative nor shy, that doesn't have to translate into me being ugly on the inside or any of the other things that people threw at me this week.  i know this because i know who i am.  and i know that people will see what they choose to see.

the facebook thread continued and i responded:

i believe there is something for me to learn from every person, even when they are in disagreement with me or judgmental. i respect their right to their own opinion and i am grateful that they feel they can express it to me. but even though i am a peacekeeper, i have learned that i do not need to withhold my own thoughts in order to keep peace. i know that when others have opinions that they believe are "right" ... that doesn't mean i am wrong if i think differently. and likewise, they are not "wrong" if they don't believe as i do. i have learned to live with the judgments of others for whatever it is that they believe. i choose to stand as me, be the soul of where i stand, and believe in myself, you, others, love, and peace. i don't judge those who judge me. i go to sleep at night knowing who i am.

so to anyone judging me in those ways, i only say i am sorry that you struggle with that which is different than yourself.  a lack of openness towards the differences in all of us only leads to a lack of growth and a smaller experience of this wonderful life.  you can wish that i were different ... because perhaps that would make you more comfortable in your own skin, but i am not going to change who i am due to your issues or your particular sensitivities.  i am not going to become what you want me to become.  it is not my responsibility to mold myself into what makes you feel good.  i am not here to satisfy you.  you do not have to like me or like to look at me, but you have every right to your opinion and every right to look or go the other way and get back to your own life.

if you are offended by my body, that's okay with me. you don't have to look at it. isn't that awesome??

wisdom and truth: the universe according to my 9 year old

my 9 year old:  mommy?  if outer space is infinite, and there's no gravity in space, then how does anyone know if the earth is right side up or upside down?  i mean, who decided that we are right side up?  like on maps and stuff.  whose idea was it to put us that way?

me:  well ... do you think we are right side up ... or upside down ... or sideways?

him:  i don't know.  i mean how can anyone know?  if one person is in space looking at the planet from one way and it's right side up, and another is in space looking at it from another way and it is upside down, the planet itself is still the same.  it doesn't move for each person's view.  so is it right side up or upside down?  who is right?
                                                           
me:  is there a right?

him:  hmmm.  good question.  i don't think so.  i think it just all depends on how you look at it.  and i think both ways are right.  because to each person it is exactly right to them.  it makes sense however you look at it, from where you are.

me:  what if there are more than 2 people looking at it?

him:  then i think all ways are right.  it's just all about perspective.  you know?

me:  :)  i know ...