what i'd like to say to my children's bonus mom

♥️

what i'd like to say to my children's bonus mom:

thank you.

thank you for loving my children.

i know you don't have to.  

i know you choose to.

i know it might not have been on your bucket list 

to take on the hearts of another woman's children

but you do it with ease and grace

and i am so grateful for that

and for you.

you could easily choose to not be there for them

or for me

but you always show up

without hesitation

and without question.

i know i can count on you.

 i know my children are in good hands when they are with you

and that gives me more peace than i could ever fully explain.

thank you for being willing to co-parent

and work together, not separately.

thank you for being willing to be part of a family

instead of seeking division.

thank you for being willing to be part of an example

to the world

of how peacefully and lovingly families can do this.

i love you

and i am so thankful that you are you

and that you are such an important part of our life.

someone who believes

♥️

We are all accountable for our role in making sure our relationship is healthy and successful.

How we show up is not dependent upon how the other person shows up.

How we show up is on us.

We can’t blame the other person or their responses for how we choose to stand for or not stand for honesty, openness, willingness, compassion, or growth.

We can’t blame our parents or our past relationships or the last person who did us wrong.

We can’t blame our patterns even if they feel like old true reliable friends

and we can’t blame the other person’s patterns or struggles either.

Openness can be intimidating and honesty can be scary

but without the courage to believe in the best,

we cannot rise to the love experiences we deserve.

It might take a leap of faith but sometimes there are things you have to believe in

before you see them.

I hope you have someone who believes,

who is willing to grow with you through the uncomfortableness

and love you into the next level,

and I hope you will have the courage

to be their someone too.

so much more

♥️

Don’t let this be you.

You are beautiful and attractive regardless of anyone else’s beauty and attractiveness.

One woman’s light does not take away from yours,

and your light does not depend on anyone else’s actions.

You don’t need anyone else’s attention,

approval,

“likes,”

DMs,

or a face or body or hair or clothes

-or life-

like anyone else’s

to be deemed beautiful or attractive or desirable.

You are more than enough.

You are so much more than enough.

what i'd like to say to my bonus kids' mother

♥️

what i'd like to say to my bonus kids' mother:

thank you.
thank you for blessing my life with the three most valuable parts of yours.
i know motherhood isn't easy.
i know it can be traumatic when our family dynamic changes and things don't go the way we'd planned or hoped.
i know it can be scary when other people enter our children's lives and we are no longer their sole heart provider like when they were small.

i also know no one can replace you

and no one will.

i'm sorry if you feel afraid in any way, or hurt or angry.

these children are amazing human beings because of you,
and i am so grateful to you for that.
i love them like my own,

but you never have to worry about where you stand
in their eyes ... or mine.

we don't have to know each other for me to honor you,

respect you,

and love you.
how could i not?

when you are a reason my heart smiles every single day.

you're invited

♥️

Loving means loving people for who they are,

not for who we want them to be or think they should be.

It means letting people do what they’re going to do

instead of trying to control what they do

or how they do it.

It means holding people in any space they need to be in,

whether it includes you or not,

whether you agree or not,

whether you understand or not.

Love invites us into what’s possible,

not what’s plausible. 

your spirit

♥️

Sometimes the ache in our heart, the hurt in our chest feels bigger than the possibilities in front of us. Sometimes the gap is so wide between where we are and where we want to be or even know we belong, that we can’t step into our present for fear of falling into that gap where we know it is empty and where we will be surrounded only by the echo reminding us of where we aren’t.

Sometimes the aloneness is too large and takes up so much space that we are unable to muster any desire to make small talk or shallow laughter even with people we know and love because in the inside underneath and behind all that small talk and laughter is just a sad hurting little version of ourselves that longs to be in another place or another time or both.

I say all this to say that if you are feeling any of these feelings, you are not alone, I know these feelings well. And you are not required to feel differently just because other people around you do not share your current emotions. This can happen at any part of the year and for different amounts of time but especially during the holiday season it can be a challenge

to keep your head above tear level some days.

Sometimes we start out a sentence normally and with a smile or even laughter but somewhere in the middle we are sobbing and drowning. Sometimes we want to collapse, sometimes we want to retreat, and sometimes we just want to hide. Sometimes we manage to hold it together and later wonder how. And it’s okay to be there, wherever you are, and feel what you feel, whether it’s because you are grieving a loved one or grieving your own self in some way.

Be gentle with yourself and know that your smile is not lost

even in the moments when you can’t find it.

Your beauty is present

even when you feel you can’t be.

Your spirit is alive

even if you feel part of you isn’t. 

bonus love

♥️

There is never a time nor a day when you will ever have to wonder if I love you exactly as you are.

You don’t have to work hard for it

or do anything to earn it.

I am already happy just to love you,

I am already rich in ways money could never buy,

and I am already proud of you for being You in a world that can sometimes make it so incredibly hard for people to be themselves.

There will never be anything you must do or change in order for me to love you.

You are not here to gain approval or acceptance or love from me;

I am here to simply love you,

already,

and always.

Loving you is the highlight of my life

and it is my goal and my pleasure to love you well.

I pray that if I ever fail you in this way,

you will tell me and let me know you need me.

For there are always going to be things on our journeys that cause us to feel unsure in some ways,

to doubt at times,

to be afraid,

or to not trust.

One thing you can always, always, count on and trust,

is my love for you.

Let not a day go by that you don’t know this

like a constant peaceful undercurrent of your heart.

The undercurrent that never stops.

The undercurrent that never fluctuates. 

The undercurrent that moves you forward

yet will also

always

welcome you back home.

when holidays hurt

♥️

If you’ve lost someone and this is your first holiday season without them on this planet,

I know there are no words I can say to fix it.

I know it’s hard to feel celebratory at times

and you might even feel guilty for having a holiday your loved one can no longer have

and it can feel wrong to enjoy it,

or even impossible to.

I feel you, and I’m sorry, and I’m sending you love during this difficult time.

If you’ve lost someone and this is your 2nd or 3rd or 4th or 10th or however many years it’s been,

I know that it still hurts

and that the holidays can be a harsh and sad time of struggle.

I know people forget that you still hurt in that way,

some expect you to be “fine” by now,

and others don’t even know about it.

I feel you, and I’m sorry, and I’m sending you love during this difficult time.

If you’re alone right now

and life has thrown unexpected twists and turns your way,

and you’re trying your best to be grateful anyway

and to make the most of everything you do have

and to smile and celebrate and at least look like the happy person you want to be,

I know how overwhelming that can be.

I know how loneliness can trap you into thinking the worst

or feeling you are unloved or unlovable.

You’re not.

I feel you, and I’m sorry, and I’m sending you love during this difficult time.

breathing love

♥️

i would rather breathe love

and risk looking crazy

than breathe crazy

and just look like love.

i would rather be whole

and look like an incomplete mess

than look whole

and know that parts of me are missing and the rest of me is messy.

i would rather take a chance on something i know is great

than succeed with something i know is marginal at best.

you

♥️

you,

with all your fears

uncertainties

doubts

falls

and insecurities,

are what this world needs.

what you see as your flaws

i see as individual markings that are part of what makes you beautiful,

part of what makes you you. 

the things you wish you could change, i hope never do.

where you feel you have failed

i see experiences that have led you closer to who you are

and to what is true for you and to ways in which you can best show up for yourself and for others.

how you choose to protect yourself

i see as places i can pour love into.

times when you forget to believe in yourself or in the divine

i see as opportunities for me to remind you of your greatness

and to help you return to love.

reasons you give as to why you can or can't,

should or shouldn't,

have or haven't,

i see as growth,

as you learn your way and discover who you are.

you,

with all your faith,

gifts,

love, 

courage,

and infinite reasons to be here,

are what my world can't do without.

as if by barbed wire

♥️

it’s okay to speak the words that hurt your chest and get caught in your throat

as if by barbed wire

bleeding on your insides 

afraid they will never climb all the way over and make it to the outside.

it's okay to let people know when they have harmed or insulted your heart

instead of you just holding onto the pieces as they crumble and fall away,

nurturing your wounds in silence out of fear

not taking action

and telling yourself

you are taking the high road.

it’s okay to make your voice heard

and your feelings known 

even if it makes someone else uncomfortable with the way they have to stand there before you with your pain slowly spreading onto

and staining

their hands.

it’s okay to forgive yourself for not yet being able to forgive someone else who has never seen a problem with dismissing your thoughts, 

ignoring your spiritual offering, 

or belittling your you-ness.  

(you'll know when it's time.)

it’s okay.

you’re okay. 

you’ve always been okay.

and you will be more than just okay

no longer bearing the weight 

that was never assigned to you

to carry.

it's okay.  i promise.

today

♥️

things might not be perfect today. 

things might hurt today. 

things might go wrong today. 

things might be really hard today. 

things might actually suck today. 

and i might cry today. 

and i might feel like shit at times today. 

but i will know that none of these things make me less beautiful,

less wonderful

or less desirable. 

and i will allow all those feelings

and then still choose to be glad today. 

and i will then still choose to focus on what i want today. 

and i will then still choose to believe in myself today. 

and i will then still choose to serve others today. 

even if it’s not an ideal day ...

i am so thankful to be alive today.

my pulse

♥️

you are beautiful. 

there is no one like you. 

you are special,
 gifted,
 and so important. 

you don’t need to impress me or anyone else;

you are amazing already. 

focus on you and the love you are giving. 

forget about anyone else and the attention they are getting. 

no one is you. 

no one serves the world in exactly the way you do. 

no one is here on this planet,

or in my life,

the way you are. 

no one carries my heart

and walks the earth

with my pulse

while at the same time coursing through my veins

every

day 

but you. 

I AM

♥️

i respect you even when you disrespect me because that is who I AM. 

i honor you even when you dishonor me because that is who I AM. 

i defend you even when you betray me because that is who I AM. 

i protect you even when you neglect me because that is who I AM. 

i choose to see the best of you even when you undervalue me because that is who I AM. 

i forgive you even when you don’t apologize because that is who I AM. 

i pray for you even when you hurt me because that is who I AM. 

i love you even when you don’t love yourself because i see you,

because i have faith in you,

because i am for you, 

and because that is who I AM. 

none of this is weakness. 

none of this is stupidity. 

all of this is unconditional love 

because that is who I AM. 

suitcases and red flag label-makers

♥️

i know a lot of people have questions about love, whether it's a romantic relationship they're in, a relationship they want to be in, their role as a parent or the role of their parents, their family, their friends, etc.
 and i know a lot of people post and repost quotes and memes and dialogue or complain about the seemingly unattainable unconditional love, and some want the world to believe they have it but behind the smiling faces, social media posts, and canned answers about how they're living their best lives, they're actually missing out on it ... and each other.

because how can we expect or hope for someone to love us unconditionally if we show up with a suitcase full of our own conditions?

how can we even say we want or need someone who will put up with us and all our 💩 if we are unwilling to deal with anyone else's 💩?

how can we say we want, hope, or pray for someone who will never leave us and always choose us, if we have dealbreakers, red flag label-makers, or are always ready to unchoose them when their struggles manifest as mistakes that hurt us?

how can we say we want a relationship with an honest man or woman when we hide things from them and refuse to trust them with our truths?

and how can we ask for loyalty when we have one foot out the door that they don't even know is open, or our fingers are doing the walking in and out of other people's texts, DMs, or emails, and spreading our energy all over the place so no one person gets our whole heart ...

may we all remember that in order to be loved the way we truly want to be loved, we must be brave enough to love the way they need to be loved as well as the way we want to be loved.
i promise, it will change your life. and your love.

every single thing

♥️

when you remember the voices that told you your feelings didn’t matter,

or that you were weak, 

or weren’t good enough,

pretty enough,

or talented enough,

and the tears burn your skin before you even realize you are crying,

i hope you let them fall

and take with them the untruths you have been swallowing your whole life.

i hope you cry as much or as often as you need to,

to cleanse your soul

of the lies you were fed.  

i hope you know I am sorry, 

they were wrong about you, 

and every single thing about you matters.  

every single thing about you is enough.  

every single thing about you is on purpose, 

has purpose, 

and is loved,

and always has been.

it’s okay

♥️

it’s okay if you’re sad. 

i still want to spend time with you. 

you don’t have to pretend you’re not sad. 

you don’t have to not cry if suddenly you feel like crying. 

you don’t have to push your feelings down inside you so they don’t show. 

i know they are part of you

and i always want to know them better. 

it’s okay if you’re mad. 

i still want to talk to you and listen to you.

you don’t have to sugar coat the words you need to get out.

you don’t have to say things are okay that aren’t okay.

you don’t have to accept what isn’t acceptable

and keep quiet about it out of fear.

i’m right here, regardless.  

it’s okay if you’re stressed. 

i still want to see you.

you don’t have to carry your worries on your own.

you don’t have to weigh your burdens and your blessings

and be afraid that your stress invalidates your gratitude.

it doesn’t.

you don’t have to doubt your faith, or me, or you.

i believe in you. 

the thing is, it’s okay if you’re not your best all the time.  

i still want to hold your hand and share this life with you

and remind you that my love for you

is never

going anywhere

without you.

the jackpot

♥️

you deserve someone who doesn’t hesitate to choose you - 

on your best days, on your worst days, and on all the days in between. 

someone who learns to love you the way you need to be loved,

not just the way they know how to love. 

someone who thinks you’re amazing just for being who you are,

not because of anything you do.  

someone whose affection and admiration you don’t have to compete for,

 earn,

or fear losing.  

someone who is grateful to have you

and would never consider life with you to be settling 

but rather hitting the jackpot. 

❤️