what i'd like to say to my children's bonus mom

♥️

what i'd like to say to my children's bonus mom:

thank you.

thank you for loving my children.

i know you don't have to.  

i know you choose to.

i know it might not have been on your bucket list 

to take on the hearts of another woman's children

but you do it with ease and grace

and i am so grateful for that

and for you.

you could easily choose to not be there for them

or for me

but you always show up

without hesitation

and without question.

i know i can count on you.

 i know my children are in good hands when they are with you

and that gives me more peace than i could ever fully explain.

thank you for being willing to co-parent

and work together, not separately.

thank you for being willing to be part of a family

instead of seeking division.

thank you for being willing to be part of an example

to the world

of how peacefully and lovingly families can do this.

i love you

and i am so thankful that you are you

and that you are such an important part of our life.

someone who believes

♥️

We are all accountable for our role in making sure our relationship is healthy and successful.

How we show up is not dependent upon how the other person shows up.

How we show up is on us.

We can’t blame the other person or their responses for how we choose to stand for or not stand for honesty, openness, willingness, compassion, or growth.

We can’t blame our parents or our past relationships or the last person who did us wrong.

We can’t blame our patterns even if they feel like old true reliable friends

and we can’t blame the other person’s patterns or struggles either.

Openness can be intimidating and honesty can be scary

but without the courage to believe in the best,

we cannot rise to the love experiences we deserve.

It might take a leap of faith but sometimes there are things you have to believe in

before you see them.

I hope you have someone who believes,

who is willing to grow with you through the uncomfortableness

and love you into the next level,

and I hope you will have the courage

to be their someone too.

so much more

♥️

Don’t let this be you.

You are beautiful and attractive regardless of anyone else’s beauty and attractiveness.

One woman’s light does not take away from yours,

and your light does not depend on anyone else’s actions.

You don’t need anyone else’s attention,

approval,

“likes,”

DMs,

or a face or body or hair or clothes

-or life-

like anyone else’s

to be deemed beautiful or attractive or desirable.

You are more than enough.

You are so much more than enough.

what i'd like to say to my bonus kids' mother

♥️

what i'd like to say to my bonus kids' mother:

thank you.
thank you for blessing my life with the three most valuable parts of yours.
i know motherhood isn't easy.
i know it can be traumatic when our family dynamic changes and things don't go the way we'd planned or hoped.
i know it can be scary when other people enter our children's lives and we are no longer their sole heart provider like when they were small.

i also know no one can replace you

and no one will.

i'm sorry if you feel afraid in any way, or hurt or angry.

these children are amazing human beings because of you,
and i am so grateful to you for that.
i love them like my own,

but you never have to worry about where you stand
in their eyes ... or mine.

we don't have to know each other for me to honor you,

respect you,

and love you.
how could i not?

when you are a reason my heart smiles every single day.

you're invited

♥️

Loving means loving people for who they are,

not for who we want them to be or think they should be.

It means letting people do what they’re going to do

instead of trying to control what they do

or how they do it.

It means holding people in any space they need to be in,

whether it includes you or not,

whether you agree or not,

whether you understand or not.

Love invites us into what’s possible,

not what’s plausible. 

your spirit

♥️

Sometimes the ache in our heart, the hurt in our chest feels bigger than the possibilities in front of us. Sometimes the gap is so wide between where we are and where we want to be or even know we belong, that we can’t step into our present for fear of falling into that gap where we know it is empty and where we will be surrounded only by the echo reminding us of where we aren’t.

Sometimes the aloneness is too large and takes up so much space that we are unable to muster any desire to make small talk or shallow laughter even with people we know and love because in the inside underneath and behind all that small talk and laughter is just a sad hurting little version of ourselves that longs to be in another place or another time or both.

I say all this to say that if you are feeling any of these feelings, you are not alone, I know these feelings well. And you are not required to feel differently just because other people around you do not share your current emotions. This can happen at any part of the year and for different amounts of time but especially during the holiday season it can be a challenge

to keep your head above tear level some days.

Sometimes we start out a sentence normally and with a smile or even laughter but somewhere in the middle we are sobbing and drowning. Sometimes we want to collapse, sometimes we want to retreat, and sometimes we just want to hide. Sometimes we manage to hold it together and later wonder how. And it’s okay to be there, wherever you are, and feel what you feel, whether it’s because you are grieving a loved one or grieving your own self in some way.

Be gentle with yourself and know that your smile is not lost

even in the moments when you can’t find it.

Your beauty is present

even when you feel you can’t be.

Your spirit is alive

even if you feel part of you isn’t. 

bonus love

♥️

There is never a time nor a day when you will ever have to wonder if I love you exactly as you are.

You don’t have to work hard for it

or do anything to earn it.

I am already happy just to love you,

I am already rich in ways money could never buy,

and I am already proud of you for being You in a world that can sometimes make it so incredibly hard for people to be themselves.

There will never be anything you must do or change in order for me to love you.

You are not here to gain approval or acceptance or love from me;

I am here to simply love you,

already,

and always.

Loving you is the highlight of my life

and it is my goal and my pleasure to love you well.

I pray that if I ever fail you in this way,

you will tell me and let me know you need me.

For there are always going to be things on our journeys that cause us to feel unsure in some ways,

to doubt at times,

to be afraid,

or to not trust.

One thing you can always, always, count on and trust,

is my love for you.

Let not a day go by that you don’t know this

like a constant peaceful undercurrent of your heart.

The undercurrent that never stops.

The undercurrent that never fluctuates. 

The undercurrent that moves you forward

yet will also

always

welcome you back home.

when holidays hurt

♥️

If you’ve lost someone and this is your first holiday season without them on this planet,

I know there are no words I can say to fix it.

I know it’s hard to feel celebratory at times

and you might even feel guilty for having a holiday your loved one can no longer have

and it can feel wrong to enjoy it,

or even impossible to.

I feel you, and I’m sorry, and I’m sending you love during this difficult time.

If you’ve lost someone and this is your 2nd or 3rd or 4th or 10th or however many years it’s been,

I know that it still hurts

and that the holidays can be a harsh and sad time of struggle.

I know people forget that you still hurt in that way,

some expect you to be “fine” by now,

and others don’t even know about it.

I feel you, and I’m sorry, and I’m sending you love during this difficult time.

If you’re alone right now

and life has thrown unexpected twists and turns your way,

and you’re trying your best to be grateful anyway

and to make the most of everything you do have

and to smile and celebrate and at least look like the happy person you want to be,

I know how overwhelming that can be.

I know how loneliness can trap you into thinking the worst

or feeling you are unloved or unlovable.

You’re not.

I feel you, and I’m sorry, and I’m sending you love during this difficult time.

breathing love

♥️

i would rather breathe love

and risk looking crazy

than breathe crazy

and just look like love.

i would rather be whole

and look like an incomplete mess

than look whole

and know that parts of me are missing and the rest of me is messy.

i would rather take a chance on something i know is great

than succeed with something i know is marginal at best.

you

♥️

you,

with all your fears

uncertainties

doubts

falls

and insecurities,

are what this world needs.

what you see as your flaws

i see as individual markings that are part of what makes you beautiful,

part of what makes you you. 

the things you wish you could change, i hope never do.

where you feel you have failed

i see experiences that have led you closer to who you are

and to what is true for you and to ways in which you can best show up for yourself and for others.

how you choose to protect yourself

i see as places i can pour love into.

times when you forget to believe in yourself or in the divine

i see as opportunities for me to remind you of your greatness

and to help you return to love.

reasons you give as to why you can or can't,

should or shouldn't,

have or haven't,

i see as growth,

as you learn your way and discover who you are.

you,

with all your faith,

gifts,

love, 

courage,

and infinite reasons to be here,

are what my world can't do without.