on this date

most of us have days in our life that we never forget;
dates on our timeline when our life changed undeniably ...
when something happened that made a difference in our life either positively or negatively.
most of us also have or have had at least one person we can name whose life changed our life in some way ... undeniably.  
sometimes both of these are connected;
maybe the date someone came into this world,
or maybe the date someone left. 
maybe the date of a union
or the date of a divide. 
i am blessed to be able to say that this date, december 9, is one of those dates on my timeline,
a date that i will never forget,
all because one person literally walked into my world
and although i didn't know it yet as it was happening,
my life would be completely changed for the better.  
i hope you will join me in celebrating
by honoring with gratitude
someone who made,
or still makes,
an undeniable difference
in your life.

love really can heal

when your light is dim
and your pieces are scattered all over the floor
when it hurts to move
and your bones cry out
and your tired fingers search for who you were
but you cannot see
and you can't put yourself back together
when your eyes ache
when your heart lies like dead weight in your chest
putting pressure on your ribs
and testing the strength of their cage

when you have lost your life

i will hold you until you come up for air
and then hold you longer
and longer still

i will kiss your lips
your forehead
your face
and i will nourish your soul

i will fill you
with faith

i will reseed your spirit
with hope

i will love you
back
to health
one breath
at a time.

the you i know

it is necessary to me that you know how i love you.

i love the you i know on the inside who doesn't put on any kind of act or wear any title.  it's just you.

sometimes vulnerable. 

sometimes uncertain. 

sometimes afraid. 

sometimes insecure.

i love YOU: all the parts of who you are and who you were born as. 

the innocence of my heart loves the innocence of yours. 

i love you most when you are brave enough to be honest with me, to be you and say whatever the truth is even when it hurts. it strengthens our bond because i honor your spirit and your true nature, your deepest self, and i am sorry that in the middle of your fear and in the midst of my tears it is probably impossible for either one of us to see that i am grateful.

i know it can be scary to be honest. i know people are often punished for being honest when they are asked to tell the truth.

it is not in my heart to punish you.

it is only in my heart to love you with all that i have. 

i believe that real love is big enough to heal what is hurting. 

and i never want you to be afraid with me ... to be afraid to be honest or to be afraid of a consequence. 

i don't love you with conditions. 

i don't love you with consequences. 

i love you

with my life.

love has a way

whether you believe in one transcendent God,
infinite manifestations of God,
a personal God,
or no God,
i celebrate your belief. 
and it is my belief that it is all the same,
with different names,
and that we are all connected through the source of love and spirit.
whether you are religious or not,
or spiritual or not,
i believe that kindness is the root of all faiths and of all people.
love is our common denominator.
love is the aim.
love is the goal. 

life has a way of teaching us things.
LOVE has a way of teaching us who we are.

life has a way of showing us what we're made of.
LOVE has a way of showing us what God made us to be.

life has a way of revealing the truth.
LOVE has a way of revealing our soul.

life has a way of taking us places.
LOVE has a way
of bringing us home.

#everyday

everyone who is born is here for a reason. and when someone's life begins we don't know what that reason is or who and how far that life will reach. but i do know that there is no motivational speech, no sermon, no image, accomplishment, or award to be won, that can affect one human soul like the true connecting with another. 

when someone changes your life just by being,
just by letting their soul out in your care and in your presence,
and not by the words they speak,
a job or skill they perform,
or the lessons they teach,
but by sharing life with you,
allowing you to see and love their spirit naked and raw before you,
there is nothing truer.
nothing so pure.
nothing more intimate,
peaceful
or loving. 

when it isn't about what they can do for you
because it's about who they are. 
when it isn't about what you want from them
but what you want for them. 
when there's no agenda,
when you know you are safe,
you know
you are home. 

it is where faith lives.

join me today in honoring someone you love, and celebrating the very gift of their birth,
their journey,
their life.

because once a year is not enough to celebrate someone's birth.
once a year is not enough to tell people what they are worth.

#gratefulforyourlife #everysingleday

they took my heart

twelve years ago i met this kid. i didn't yet know his name or how funny he would be, how artistic, smart, sensitive, or how loving. i only knew i already loved him with a love i didn't yet know ...

at 8:15 am ian came out of my body and began his fantastic journey. 

i knew ahead of time that on this date the doctors would take this baby out of me. what i did not know is that they would also take my heart. 

i wasn't sure how my love would be divided equally between children and i just didn't know if i could or how i could love as much, again, as i already loved his brother. 

what i discovered was that the love was not divided. it was simply, and easily, multiplied. 

the heart i thought was intact left my body with his brother and then somehow left my body again with him. 

it's an amazing and indescribable thing when you see and know your heart and your love walking around outside of yourself. even more amazing is when you not only still feel whole, you feel even more complete. so much more so, that when your heart was yours alone, you were empty by comparison. 

it is a beautiful and perfect day to celebrate one of my great loves of my lifetime. 

this song is currently "his jam" lol

it does not fail ...

love is love. 

i believe that there are many differences between love and relationship ... between soul and ego

relationship says 

you are with me i am with you or else we are not together 

love says

no matter where you are or where i am, we are always together 

relationship has image 

conditions 

expectations

boundaries

love has no image and cares not about how it looks

love is unconditional 

love walks with no expectations

and love knows no bounds 

relationships can come and go, be inconsistent, last or not last, succeed or fail

but love doesn't come and go

love is constant 

love lasts 

love

does not fail

the prayer ...

lying on top of you
my chest pressing against yours
i float in your breath and listen to you sleep 

one of your hands lost in 

and tangled up in 

my overflowing hair 

your other hand tangled up with mine

our fingers laced up quietly together

and resting on my tattooed hip 

i lay my head down and feel the rhythm of your heart beating against my throat

and i hear your breathing 

warm and noisy over my ear

i remain still and silent 

inhaling the smell of you

exhaling love for you 

and i cannot sleep

not because of the noise

and not because of our body heat

but because i don't want to miss the moment ...

the prayer ...

the gratitude ...

YOU.

Love never leaves us

Love and relationship are not the same thing. 

relationships often fail. 

Love does not. 

relationships die sometimes quick
sometimes slow
deaths. 

Love does not die. 

people confuse all kinds of things with Love. 

Love is not struggling to make something work when it truly doesn't. 

relationships require conditions and compromise, Love does neither.  

Love is not fear and Love is not pride. 

Love is something entirely different. 

a relationship that lasts is not necessarily a relationship that lives. 

Love lasts. 

Love lives. 

Love runs deeper than any relationship ever could or ever will. 

because Love is not a human thing. 

Love is a spirit thing. 

a life thing. 

an everlasting thing.  

being with reluctance

"because you are worthy

you are worthy

you are worthy

of more

than the truth that broke you ..."

click the link below to read my article on elephant journal:

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/what-reluctance-feels-like/

it might be you or it might be someone you know ... experiencing it now, having experienced it before, or still yet to experience it in the future.

i ask that you remember the last few lines in case you need to tell them to yourself or share with someone you care about ❤️

your heart

i have heard the cry of your heart
and i have kissed you 
as it wept fearfully and safely
gratefully  
against my skin

i have rejoiced with your heart
and i have danced with you 
as it smiled joyfully and hopefully
in the magic 
and in the footsteps of our breath

i have loved your heart
and i have crawled inside as far as you and your manmade walls would let me
as you come and go
passionately 
and quietly 
carefully
and carelessly
lovingly
and recklessly
with 
my heart 
in tow

i honor your heart
if not simply because
it carries mine

your truth ...

sometimes when your heart takes a hit

the debris doesn't scatter 

and the pieces don't choose where to fall

sometimes the wound just patiently leaks

and those loose fragments stick to your skin

and like a slow release 

they peel off 

and dig in

at the same time

little by little 

layered

triggered 

sometimes 

unexpected  

sometimes 

undetected 

always 

your truth

reminding you

to love you 

be where you are

i believe it is not only important

but also necessary

to offer ourselves the gift of compassion.

i know that for me,

when i am going through something

the only way to get to the other side

is to allow myself to be in it in the first place.

i have to feel it,

every bit of it,

sometimes how ridiculously hard it is

sometimes glimpses of how beautiful it is

other times how simply debilitating it is.

i have to face it 

every single day 

until it isn't there anymore

or until it looks 

completely different.

sugarcoating or masking the truth of where we are

does not lead us out of the dark,

does not bring the light to where we are fallen,

and does not remove the shrapnel 

from our soul.

be where you are. 

love yourself there. 

it's okay.

unafraid ...

be every bit 

of who you are. 

dare 

to live a life 

that says

"i am unafraid."

don't wait ...

don't wait until someone walks away from you 

to realize how much you want that person in your life, 

how much you need that person in your life, 

or the extent that you are willing to go to 

to keep that person in your life. 

because sometimes when people walk away, 

they close the door behind them, 

and every time they take a step forward,

they are stepping on a piece 

that they reached back and lifted 

from the path which they no longer walk on 

with you. 

and eventually that path is so broken 

and the distance is so great

that neither one of you

can reach the other 

and your connection 

no longer 
exists ...

choose love

i would rather breathe love 

and risk looking crazy

than breathe crazy

and just look like love

i would rather be whole

and look incomplete

than look whole

and know that parts of me are missing

i would rather take a chance on something that i know is great

than succeed with something that i know is marginal at best ...

#chooselove

what do you stand for?

i prefer to spend my time with

and be connected to

people who prioritize love

and authentic living

i will remind you ...

when the things going on around you
cause you to question
your path
i will remind you
to walk where love walks
to live where love lives
to speak as love speaks
to accept no substitutes
and to know
you are worth keeping 

i will not reject you or your truth
i will not judge you or your beliefs
i will not refuse to grow with you
when you grow in different directions 

i will
honor your voice
i will
encourage your courage
i will
pick up your strength
and lay it across you piece by piece
like a patchwork quilt,
when it slides off your shoulders
and crashes silently to the ground behind your footstep

when the things going on around you
cause you to question
your heart
i will remind you
my heart
looks like
your heart
and i will not
let it
beat
alone

inside out

i wish there were an inside out day. 

a day where we all show up inside out,

and instead of seeing one another's outsides 

we see everybody's insides.

instead of seeing how much work people are doing on their appearance, 

we see how much work they are doing on their soul. 

instead of seeing what we perceive as physically beautiful,

we see what is spiritually pure. 

instead of name brands and fashion trends that people are wearing,

we see callings that people are wearing 

... and and truths that are wearing people out.
instead of what kind of cars people are driving,

we see what kind of hurts are driving people away from love. 

instead of seeing what is safe, 

we see what is real. 

what society and cultures deem beautiful 

is different in every society and culture ...

what is pure and good, sacred and true,

is the same

in every society 

and culture.

it needs no demarcation.

love is the movement,

from the inside out.

find your voice

we must not let words
get comfortable
or trapped
and live
in our throat
slowly trickling
our truth
back down
into a puddle
that hurts our soul
and keeps us from living
and keeps us from loving
the way we are made to

love > fear

i find it to be unfortunate that so many people are afraid to look at other people when they are in pain. people avoid the hurt almost as if it is contagious. not everyone can handle witnessing someone else in the midst of breaking, or sitting with someone as they flounder with a racing yet faint heart. people want to talk it away, walk it away, theorize it away, psychologize it away, tell others what they should do or feel or focus on instead. or sometimes, even avoid it altogether. it's almost like they are afraid because they don't know what to do so they just want it to go away ... even when it's not theirs. i don't know all there is to know, but i do know what it's like to hurt when someone else is hurting. and i also know the value of hurting *with someone. it's not necessary to project our own experiences and emotions onto another and turn hurt into anger or redirect anyone into negative thought patterns, away from love, just because they are hurting. it isn't healthier than feeling their way through the experience. when we detract from someone's experience and inject our own what-they-could-do, what-they-should-do, what-i-would-do, and when we cast blame and judge their story, we aren't being compassionate. we are stopping their process and getting our own junk out of our system, putting extra stuff on their plate that is already cracking under the weight, and we are moving them away from love. that is not what everyone needs in their time of pain. why is it not taught, how to be there for others? how to see the pain in others, and how to allow it, and how to sit with it, with them?

i was helping my son with his calculus homework the other night and i heard myself thinking out loud, "i don't know, man. i studied this too but i can honestly say i have never used it in my life." i am not saying there aren't people who do use it, i don't know any, but i'm sure some people besides high school math teachers do ... i just never needed it.
i also have never been in a situation where knowing which secret society Zhu Yuanzhang joined in 1352 before capturing the city of Nanjing and establishing it as the capital of the Ming dynasty ... made the world a better place or made one person feel encouraged, safe, loved ...
(my son argued that possibly nicolas cage might have been in such a situation in one of the national treasure movies ...)
nor have i been faced with a train going north at 143 mph with 982 passengers and a bird flying east with 5 lbs of sugar and needed to know at exactly what time "jeopardy" airs. (ok so maybe the jeopardy part)

again, i'm not saying these things are not important, and i am not disrespecting those whose daily lives revolve around this kind of information. i am just putting it out there for thought, that perhaps empathy and compassion might be taught with equal accountability, fervor, purpose, and promise. that in addition to these things that are taught and "required" for "advancement" in school & life ... how about some other things for enlightenment? to advance. to grow. to heal ourselves and each other. these are not on report cards or college exams or diplomas. but these are daily life skills that all of us can make a difference with, regardless of age, culture, race, career, religion, gender, sexuality ...
compassion is truly its own reward.
compassion is graceful.
compassion is always worth
the time it takes.

birthing and the giving of life

i love my children not because i have to love my children,
it is not a duty
or a job
or a responsibility
to love someone.


and i don't want my children to love me
out of obligation
or as an answer to bringing them into this world.


the act of one human being coming out of another human is a miraculous gift, but the birthing is not the giving of life.


the giving of life is
the loving
the choosing
the respecting
the connecting
the committing
the guiding
the protecting
the holding
the covering
the teaching
the encouraging
the valuing
the healing
the honoring
the investing of a lifetime
the breathing of breath
the feeding not of food but of the soul
the nurturing not of the body
but of the spirit
the answering to a calling

the knowing
that my heart
looks like their heart ...

 

spread love

Remember not to let anyone turn you into a person you are not. 

The behaviors of others speak about who they are, 

not about who you are. 

When someone else makes bad decisions, 

you don't have to respond by also making bad decisions.

You don't ever need to lower yourself 

to the unloving behavior 

that you are hurt by.

the value of Love ...

i am imperfect as a mom.
i am imperfect as a person.
i am imperfect as a woman, sister, friend, daughter, and partner.
i have long since given up on perfection,
and i have fallen in love with realism.
i have fallen in love with humanness.
i have fallen in love with connection.
seeing life
through the eyes of my children
and those who truly see me,
know me,
and love me,
reminds me of who i am
and makes me continue to work on being
a better person.

i believe that all of our children
deserve to learn and grow through filters of grace, hope, love, security, and faith.

i would rather teach my children the value of a heart,
not the value of a face.
the value of mistakes,
not pride.
the value of integrity,
not denial.
the value of faith,
not fear.
the value of victory,
not complacency.
the value of respect,
not dishonor.
the value of truth,
not manipulation.
the value of celebration,
not judgment.
the value of compassion,
not narcissism.
the value of the human spirit,
not existence.
the value of kindness,
not neglect.
the value of learning,
not report cards.
the value of passion,
not conformity.
the value of a soul,
not an ego.
the value of accountability,
not blame.
the value of gratitude,
not entitlement.
the value of presence,
not appearance.
the value of peace,
not control.
the value of being,
not just doing.
the value of a relationship,
not a dollar.
the value of LOVE,
not apathy.
the value of living,
not merely breathing in and out day after day and turning the pages that someone else is writing and calling it their life …

you know what's sexy?

telling me the truth, 

even when you think it might hurt me, 

tells me that you respect me. 

your willingness to stand before me and with me, 

as my vulnerability meets yours, 

and the moments are suspended in mid air 

because neither of us knows which way the pieces will fall, 

tells me i can trust you. 

your courage in the face of fear, 

well aware that uncertainty reigns when hearts are on the line, 

softens me 

and shows me 

that i am worth 

the risk 

of your authenticity.

the breath of you

my heart unsettled 

the earth dangerously uneven underfoot 

a rushing in my chest

i am unbalanced 

and cannot be settled 

but by 

the breath of you