find your voice

we must not let words
get comfortable
or trapped
and live
in our throat
slowly trickling
our truth
back down
into a puddle
that hurts our soul
and keeps us from living
and keeps us from loving
the way we are made to

love > fear

i find it to be unfortunate that so many people are afraid to look at other people when they are in pain. people avoid the hurt almost as if it is contagious. not everyone can handle witnessing someone else in the midst of breaking, or sitting with someone as they flounder with a racing yet faint heart. people want to talk it away, walk it away, theorize it away, psychologize it away, tell others what they should do or feel or focus on instead. or sometimes, even avoid it altogether. it's almost like they are afraid because they don't know what to do so they just want it to go away ... even when it's not theirs. i don't know all there is to know, but i do know what it's like to hurt when someone else is hurting. and i also know the value of hurting *with someone. it's not necessary to project our own experiences and emotions onto another and turn hurt into anger or redirect anyone into negative thought patterns, away from love, just because they are hurting. it isn't healthier than feeling their way through the experience. when we detract from someone's experience and inject our own what-they-could-do, what-they-should-do, what-i-would-do, and when we cast blame and judge their story, we aren't being compassionate. we are stopping their process and getting our own junk out of our system, putting extra stuff on their plate that is already cracking under the weight, and we are moving them away from love. that is not what everyone needs in their time of pain. why is it not taught, how to be there for others? how to see the pain in others, and how to allow it, and how to sit with it, with them?

i was helping my son with his calculus homework the other night and i heard myself thinking out loud, "i don't know, man. i studied this too but i can honestly say i have never used it in my life." i am not saying there aren't people who do use it, i don't know any, but i'm sure some people besides high school math teachers do ... i just never needed it.
i also have never been in a situation where knowing which secret society Zhu Yuanzhang joined in 1352 before capturing the city of Nanjing and establishing it as the capital of the Ming dynasty ... made the world a better place or made one person feel encouraged, safe, loved ...
(my son argued that possibly nicolas cage might have been in such a situation in one of the national treasure movies ...)
nor have i been faced with a train going north at 143 mph with 982 passengers and a bird flying east with 5 lbs of sugar and needed to know at exactly what time "jeopardy" airs. (ok so maybe the jeopardy part)

again, i'm not saying these things are not important, and i am not disrespecting those whose daily lives revolve around this kind of information. i am just putting it out there for thought, that perhaps empathy and compassion might be taught with equal accountability, fervor, purpose, and promise. that in addition to these things that are taught and "required" for "advancement" in school & life ... how about some other things for enlightenment? to advance. to grow. to heal ourselves and each other. these are not on report cards or college exams or diplomas. but these are daily life skills that all of us can make a difference with, regardless of age, culture, race, career, religion, gender, sexuality ...
compassion is truly its own reward.
compassion is graceful.
compassion is always worth
the time it takes.

birthing and the giving of life

i love my children not because i have to love my children,
it is not a duty
or a job
or a responsibility
to love someone.


and i don't want my children to love me
out of obligation
or as an answer to bringing them into this world.


the act of one human being coming out of another human is a miraculous gift, but the birthing is not the giving of life.


the giving of life is
the loving
the choosing
the respecting
the connecting
the committing
the guiding
the protecting
the holding
the covering
the teaching
the encouraging
the valuing
the healing
the honoring
the investing of a lifetime
the breathing of breath
the feeding not of food but of the soul
the nurturing not of the body
but of the spirit
the answering to a calling

the knowing
that my heart
looks like their heart ...

 

spread love

Remember not to let anyone turn you into a person you are not. 

The behaviors of others speak about who they are, 

not about who you are. 

When someone else makes bad decisions, 

you don't have to respond by also making bad decisions.

You don't ever need to lower yourself 

to the unloving behavior 

that you are hurt by.

the value of Love ...

i am imperfect as a mom.
i am imperfect as a person.
i am imperfect as a woman, sister, friend, daughter, and partner.
i have long since given up on perfection,
and i have fallen in love with realism.
i have fallen in love with humanness.
i have fallen in love with connection.
seeing life
through the eyes of my children
and those who truly see me,
know me,
and love me,
reminds me of who i am
and makes me continue to work on being
a better person.

i believe that all of our children
deserve to learn and grow through filters of grace, hope, love, security, and faith.

i would rather teach my children the value of a heart,
not the value of a face.
the value of mistakes,
not pride.
the value of integrity,
not denial.
the value of faith,
not fear.
the value of victory,
not complacency.
the value of respect,
not dishonor.
the value of truth,
not manipulation.
the value of celebration,
not judgment.
the value of compassion,
not narcissism.
the value of the human spirit,
not existence.
the value of kindness,
not neglect.
the value of learning,
not report cards.
the value of passion,
not conformity.
the value of a soul,
not an ego.
the value of accountability,
not blame.
the value of gratitude,
not entitlement.
the value of presence,
not appearance.
the value of peace,
not control.
the value of being,
not just doing.
the value of a relationship,
not a dollar.
the value of LOVE,
not apathy.
the value of living,
not merely breathing in and out day after day and turning the pages that someone else is writing and calling it their life …