pennies for fountains

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there was once a time when i didn't know if i would ever be a mother. i woke up every day not knowing.  i spent every day wondering.  i went to sleep at night not knowing.

something many people take for granted:   having a baby.  women and girls do it all the time, sometimes not wanting to, sometimes without a second thought, sometimes as if it is their right and not a privilege. 

like many others, i spent years in quiet desperation, hoping i would one day be a mom, wondering why it wasn't happening for me ... yet seemed to be happening for everyone around me.  getting to know the joy of pregnancy only to then meet the agony of my baby not surviving.  more than once, reliving this tragedy to my heart and to my body.  to my spirit.

i prayed. i wished on stars. pennies in fountains. dandelions. birthday candles.  wishbones.  ladybugs.  other people's babies. any possible way to get my heart's desire out there. 

and then i gave up.

it was a time that made me question a lot of things. it was a time that made me re-evaluate love and life and faith and destiny. 

it was a time that made me the mother i am today.

i have never taken one day of motherhood for granted.  grateful for the honor of loving and guiding my two children and grateful for the children i am allowed to love as my own but who i did not give birth to, today i especially celebrate my baby, ian david, who i proudly named after his uncle, and who i proudly adore to the ends of the earth. 

ian has always wished on stars  

and asked for pennies for fountains.

i always have pennies for him. i always stop what we're doing and give him time with the stars, no matter where we are, how late it is, how tired i am, if it's raining, etc.  i always stand and smile both inside and out, in silence and respect, and admire him as he gets his heart's desire out there. 

i would be incomplete without the ability to love and experience the beauty of his very special soul in my life.  i am beyond grateful for him and for the fortune of being his mom.

i can't believe he is 10. 

i can't believe he is mine. 

i can't believe i could be so very very lucky. 

♥

it isn't that you complete me ...

i've been thinking a lot about what a gift it is when someone allows us to love them.

the joy of love, really, is not that someone loves you back.

because that's not what love is.
loving someone doesn't mean loving them so that you can be loved.
it's loving because you will to love.

when someone allows you to love them, your whole world can change.

your heart can grow exponentially.

by the moment.

when you can love someone,
and love their dreams,
and love their life,
just to love them,
with no expectation or need from them,

it can bring your search to rest.

it can offer an answer to your prayer.

it can take a wounded heart

to whole.

make love a priority

♥

you may have seen this quote like i have:  "never make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs."  
or maybe you've seen a similar version of it.  

i wonder how many people go through life always feeling like they are, or should be,  everyone's priority.  i think we all know people like that.

i wonder how many people go through life never knowing what it feels like to be a priority to anyone.  i think we all know people like that too.  the difference is that we don't know it.

people are not so eager to let others know that they have never felt like anyone's priority, on any level.

as a child.

as a parent.

as a sibling.

as a friend.

as a partner.

as a spouse.

we should all know that our own heart is just as important as everyone else's.  

we should all know what it feels like to be valued, 
to be irreplaceable, 
to be a priority 
and not just an existence ...

we all deserve to know that we matter.

how do you know when you are someone's priority?

how do you let others know that they are a priority in your life?

♥

weathering the storm with grace and love

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“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”

– Louisa May Alcott

weathering the storm with grace and love is not only possible, but key to our spiritual growth and enlightenment. we can rise above and BE more.

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weathering the storm with grace and love

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